The international community has activated its Strategic Reserve of Deep Concern following Colombia’s reported 7.4-magnitude earthquake, releasing enough solemnly formatted sympathy to sustain the country until the next news cycle.
As rescue workers dig through rubble and families await word of hundreds still missing, governments and international bodies have begun dispatching carefully calibrated statements expressing sorrow, solidarity and the firm conviction that somebody ought to do something. The death toll continues to rise; the supply of official adjectives remains reassuringly stable.
“Our concern is already on the ground and will be scaled up as required,” said Julian Vane, fictional spokesman for the equally fictional Office of Ceremonial Urgency. “Further consignments of thoughts are awaiting clearance, while prayers remain subject to local distribution capacity.” Thus humanity’s oldest relief operation proceeds: those nearest the ruins lift concrete, while those furthest away lift their voices.
