The international community has dispatched an emergency euphemism unit to Qusra, where reports say Israeli settlers accompanied by soldiers have confined two Palestinian families to their homes since the weekend. The specialists arrived carrying reinforced briefcases of “deep concern” and enough passive voice to withstand several days of scrutiny.
According to reporting by the Guardian, BBC, Reuters and New York Times, a tent has been erected outside one family’s home, while water and electricity have been cut and medical access blocked, apparently to pressure the residents off their property. These details were immediately submitted to the unit’s Phrase Dilution Department, which is expected to downgrade “families trapped in their homes” to “an evolving property-related situation.”
“Our priority is to prevent events becoming so clear that somebody might have to act,” said Peregrine Bland, fictional director of the equally fictional Office for Grave but Non-Binding Alarm. By Tuesday, the situation had been successfully renamed, leaving only the families trapped.
