The UK's fighter jet deployment to protect Saudi Arabia from Houthi attacks is being run as an after-sales service visit, with a morning delivery slot.
Britain is sending RAF Typhoons to shield Saudi Arabia from Houthi missiles and drones. The MoD is running the mission as a warranty call-out on the jets it sold Riyadh, with a morning delivery window and a customer survey.
The form is nineteen pages long and arrives in duplicate. Box four asks the customer to describe the fault in their own words. Riyadh has written "missiles".
The Ministry of Defence confirmed on Friday that the deployment of RAF Typhoon fighters to protect Saudi Arabia from Houthi attacks will be handled as an after-sales service visit. Britain sold Riyadh the jets years ago. Under the terms of the extended warranty, Britain is now sending more of them round.
The operation is the most significant military mission signed off by Andy Burnham as prime minister. In MoD paperwork it also appears as ticket number 19-0019, priority amber.
A four-hour window
RAF pilots will fly defensive missions over Saudi cities and critical infrastructure. They will try to shoot down the Houthi missiles and drones that have hit Saudi airports and oil facilities. They will do so between 8am and 1pm.
Saudi officials have been asked to make sure someone is in to sign.
"We appreciate a drone can turn up at any time," said Gillian Rooke, the MoD's head of Customer Experience (Air). "But our engineers have families. A morning slot is the fairest system anyone has come up with."
Ms Rooke said any missile arriving outside the window would be logged and "picked up first thing". Customers can follow the jet on a live map. It shows a small cartoon aeroplane and the message "your defender is three stops away".
Each interception will be followed by a text asking the customer to rate their protection from one to five stars. Anything below four triggers a call from a manager. Anything below two triggers a review, and the review triggers a working group.
"We appreciate a drone can turn up at any time. But our engineers have families."
The previous instalment
January 1968.
That was when Britain announced it was leaving everything east of Suez. It was meant to be final. It had the tone of a man moving out and leaving his records behind so he has an excuse to come back.
Suez itself came twelve years earlier. That was the last time Britain flew into the region convinced it still held the manual. This time, at least, someone has read the small print. It excludes acts of God, acts of neighbours and acts of the customer's own procurement office.
The sequel has the same cast, a bigger budget and a thinner script. Nobody asked for it. It will open well in the Gulf regardless.
Reaction
Air Vice-Marshal Desmond Pell, long retired, was unimpressed. "In my day we defended people because of treaties," he said. "Now it's because of a guarantee card someone forgot to post back."
A defence official in Riyadh, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the experience had been mixed. "We were told it was covered," the official said. "Then they asked if we'd tried turning the Gulf off and on again."
The British Warranty Providers' Forum welcomed the move as historic. Its chair, Martin Hesketh, called it "the first extended warranty ever actually claimed on". He added: "Most people buy one at the till out of guilt and never think about it again. This gives the whole industry hope."
Opposition MPs asked what happens when the warranty runs out. The MoD said the customer would be offered a renewal at a competitive rate. Failing that, they would receive a series of increasingly anxious letters.
Other western allies are also stepping up their involvement as the conflict escalates. Officials in several capitals are understood to be comparing quotes. One was overheard asking whether the British price included fitting.
Wheels up
Crews began loading on Friday. Each pilot carried the standard kit: helmet, flight suit and a clipboard holding the customer survey.
The survey has nineteen questions. The last one asks whether the customer would recommend Britain to a friend.
I have seen that question asked before. In 1956, the answer was no.
