Warner Bros reported a $30 million domestic opening for Practical Magic 2 this weekend. Industry tracking placed the highly anticipated sequel exactly on target for a solid theatrical debut. But sources close to the situation say the box office receipts are entirely supernatural.
Nobody actually bought a single ticket to the film. Instead, Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman bypassed the cinema completely and manifested the exact sum in non-sequential currency. The actresses reportedly lit six black candles on Tuesday and chanted over a prop cauldron until the cash materialized.
"We opened the vault and found mounds of cash smelling faintly of lavender and damp soil," whispered one panicked studio executive. "The money just kept multiplying whenever someone said the word 'sisterhood'. We had to halt the weekend reporting because the piles were blocking the fire exits."
The sudden influx of cursed currency has sent absolute shockwaves through the Federal Reserve, with baffled analysts unable to explain why every single hundred-dollar bill bears the exact serial number of a woman who was wronged by a terrible man in 1998, prompting immediate government warnings urging cinemas nationwide to check their registers for any tender that bursts into green flames the second it gets handed over by a bad boyfriend.
