The Kremlin has reportedly established an International Court of Canapés, under which territorial disputes may now be settled by whichever leader most solemnly samples the local delicacy. The initiative follows media reports that Vladimir Putin visited the disputed Kuril Islands and tried fish roe, thus bringing gastronomy to a quarrel Russia and Japan have maintained since 1945.
Under the court’s imagined rules, maps remain admissible but are considered rather vulgar beside chilled seafood. “A border acquires greater legitimacy when accompanied by a small spoon and an expression of measured approval,” an unnamed official explained, presumably while folding a napkin into the shape of international law.
Japan has not accepted Russia’s sovereignty over the islands, and no actual culinary mechanism exists for resolving the dispute. Still, diplomacy has endured worse ideas, many of them with flags. Negotiations may now resume once both sides agree whether history is best served cold, salted or on toast.
