Forget the Octagon. The real war at UFC 330 broke out on the Section 214 concourse, where two pretzel vendors settled cart rights with a best-of-seven rock-paper-scissors series that will be studied for generations.
Down 3-1 and staring into the abyss, the challenger threw three straight rocks. Three. Straight. Rocks. That is not strategy. That is a man looking destiny in the eye and refusing to blink. You simply cannot teach that kind of grit.
He knew I knew he'd throw paper. And he threw rock anyway. That's a killer.
That was concourse commissioner Dale "The Anvil" Hutchins, who sanctioned the bout on a napkin and has already floated a rematch at WrestleMania, the airport, or wherever warriors gather.
Elsewhere in the building, Islam Makhachev apparently beat Ian Machado Garry for a 17th straight win, passing some record held by Anderson Silva. Fine. Neat. Seventeen wins against trained professionals is one thing. Throwing rock into the teeth of certain paper is another sport entirely.
