The UK Treasury has responded to slowing growth by compressing the entire economy into a sovereign zip file, allowing ministers to store more GDP in dramatically less GDP.
The upgrade follows Office for National Statistics figures showing growth eased to 0.4% in the three months to June, from 0.6% in the first quarter, while higher energy prices linked to the Iran war threaten further momentum. Legacy economists call this fading growth; disruption-native economists recognise a premium scarcity layer.
“Uncompressed prosperity is an incredibly wasteful format,” said fictional macro-innovation analyst Crispin Leverage. “By reducing headline growth, Britain is increasing the exclusivity of every remaining percentage point while creating a frictionless runway toward numbers too efficient to appear.”
Markets are now waiting for the password, which the Treasury reportedly wrote on a gilt and accidentally sold.
