A large-scale search operation is under way off the western Philippine island of Palawan this Thursday, utilising advanced drift-modelling tools.
Authorities confirm the software is currently tracking the exact trajectory of political accountability as currents carry it safely out into the open ocean.
We saw this exact meteorological phenomenon in 1987, and again in 2013. A vessel catches fire, officials look gravely at nautical charts, and a solemn pledge of sweeping reform washes up on a distant beach three years later, entirely unrecognisable.
"The currents around Palawan are notoriously tricky," a coast guard spokesman said. "If the wind holds, the blame should bypass the regulatory bodies entirely and dissipate somewhere over the South China Sea."
Rescue teams remain on high alert. They are standing by to recover whatever remains of the maritime safety budget before it sinks completely.
