The Wallabies and South Africa will play a full Test in Perth on Sunday night, mostly so three mascots have something to run between.
The Wallabies play South Africa in Perth on Sunday night, a year out from the home World Cup. Perth Stadium's half-time staff are treating the rugby as a warm-up for a 40-metre sprint between a quokka, a black swan and a meat pie.
“…and if the quokka jumps the gun again, I cannot promise this city stays calm,” said Darren Pike, gripping a stopwatch like it owed him rent.
Pike runs half-time entertainment at Perth Stadium. On Sunday night he oversees the biggest contest in the southern hemisphere: a 40-metre sprint between three foam-headed mascots. The Wallabies and South Africa will also play a rugby Test on either side of it.
That match, according to the Guardian, falls a year before the home World Cup starts at the same ground. It is also Les Kiss's first Test as Wallabies coach against one of the old powers. Good for Les.
The field is set
Quincy the Quokka is the local favourite. His suit weighs roughly what a prop eats before lunch, and he has never once seen his own feet.
Beside him stands Gary the Black Swan. Gary is a veteran of the circuit, with a dodgy hamstring and no visible neck. Scouts say he runs like a man carrying a fridge up a staircase, which is meant as praise.
The outsider is Crust, a six-foot meat pie. His lid comes off in a stiff breeze. Last season it came off at the 25-metre mark and rolled into the dead-ball area, where it lay face-down while the crowd stood in silence.
“People talk about the Springboks. I respect the Springboks. But the Springboks have never had to sprint inside a pastry,” Pike said.
Three mascots. Three lanes. One strip of turf between the try line and the dead-ball line, which stadium staff call “the corridor”.
Meanwhile, some rugby
The Wallabies have named Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii on the wing and packed the bench with forwards. Kiss is reportedly hoping this combination can topple South Africa, the reigning heavyweights of world rugby.
Somebody picked a winger. Somebody else sat a lot of large men on a bench. It is a busy sport, and we wish it well.
Kiss also got his first job coaching union in South Africa more than two decades ago. That is a lovely story for a Sunday. It is not a quokka chasing redemption in front of a full house.
Tamsin Ogle, who has handled Crust for three seasons, was less relaxed about the rugby. Her worry is the first-half clock.
“If the Wallabies take the full 40 minutes and then some referee wants a replay, my pie is standing in that tunnel going cold,” Ogle said. “You cannot warm a mascot back up. Not a pie. The pie knows.”
The race carries serious conditions. Mascots may not touch each other, may not remove their heads before the line, and may not wave to family in the stands until a winner is confirmed. Gary has been warned twice about waving. Once was during the anthem.
A nation braces
South African supporters asked organisers this week whether a springbok mascot could join the field. The request went to a committee of three, who met in a storage room behind the hot chip counter.
“We said no,” said committee chair Leonie Farrugia. “Not in a World Cup build-up year. You don't bring a new animal into the corridor twelve months out. That's how you lose control of a sport.”
Farrugia confirmed the committee has already sketched plans for next year's opening night at the same venue. The mascot heats will run first. The Wallabies' World Cup opener will fill the gaps.
Pike, for his part, has barely slept. He has walked the corridor with a tape measure every morning this week, pacing it out in bare feet to feel the grass the way the athletes will.
“The rugby lads have coaches, analysts, ice baths, all of it,” he said. “Quincy has a fan clipped inside his head and a man named Steve who holds his water. That's the gap we're talking about.”
Kick-off is Sunday night. The rugby starts then too. Players have been told to be off the field promptly at the break, and to keep it quiet in the tunnel while Quincy composes himself.
