“—and that is where a man finds out what he is made of, on the second serve, in front of six people and a vending machine,” said the chief umpire of the North West Leisure Annexe Pickleball Authority, moments after ruling the Sunday morning grudge match the region's premier sporting occasion.
Court two has been taped, swept and blessed. The two households involved have not spoken since a disputed line call in the spring. Stewards will keep the neutral zone clear. One paddle has been withdrawn from play on the grounds of “intimidating grip tape”.
Elsewhere on the paperwork, St Helens have confirmed that Jonny Lomax will retire at the end of the Super League season, closing out a career spent entirely at one club. The Authority has slotted this in during the towel break, after the drinks announcement.
“We'll read the rugby thing when there's a natural gap. Nobody wants a distraction at four-all.”
The umpire described the retirement as “fine, good for him,” before returning to the tactical board, where six separate arrows converge on a single square metre of tarmac near the net.
