After Mauricio Pochettino lamented no 'sporting justice' for Spurs in the Manchester City case, Tottenham entered a lawn bowls knockout instead.
After Mauricio Pochettino said the reported Manchester City verdict brought no 'sporting justice' for Tottenham, Spurs went looking for it at a local lawn bowls knockout. They found it. It was on the other team's side.
The tea urn at Edmonton Chase Bowls Club gave out at 6.06pm on Wednesday. Officials called it the gravest logistical failure in the club's history. It came minutes before Tottenham Hotspur walked onto the green to contest the Chase Six-Rink Knockout.
Spurs came for one thing. They want sporting justice, and they have stopped waiting for the Premier League to deliver it.
That phrase comes from former Tottenham manager Mauricio Pochettino. He expressed sadness that the reported verdict against Manchester City could not bring it to his old club. Seasons already played stay played. Nobody is handing Spurs back their evenings.
The City case itself concerns financial charges. It is, in the end, a disagreement about spreadsheets. Those who follow the minor sports can read Al Jazeera's explainer in roughly the time it takes a kettle to boil.
Bowls, by contrast, is war.
"Every member's subs are pinned to the noticeboard by the gents," said club secretary Graham Sallow. "Six pounds a head, receipt stapled underneath. Nobody here has ever had to wonder where the money came from."
Tottenham's newly appointed Head of Sporting Justice, Anneka Voss, said the choice of venue had been rigorous. "We needed a competition with open books and results that stay results," she said. "This was the only one inside the M25 that answered the phone."
The first end
Spurs sent six players. They wore club tracksuits over white flannels, as the Chase rulebook demands. The rulebook is kept in a biscuit tin and has not been amended since the green was last re-turfed.
Their opponents were the Chase Veterans. This four-man unit has not dropped a Wednesday fixture in living memory. Their skip has bowled through two hip replacements and one decimalisation.
The opening end was carnage. Tottenham's lead sent his first wood sailing past the jack and into the ditch. The crowd of six, several holding flasks, fell silent. It was the kind of error that ends careers in this sport and gets you a new contract in football.
Then came the response. The Spurs skip crouched, paused and released. His wood curled in on a late bias and settled against the jack with the patience of a sniper. Sallow later described it as "the most composed thing a Tottenham player has done in north London in years".
By the fourth end, the rink was a siege. Both sides had woods nested around the jack. A measuring string was produced from a blazer pocket. Nobody breathed for forty seconds. The Veterans took the shot by roughly the width of a digestive.
"Nobody gets a medal in the post years later. You win it on the grass, you drink the tea, you go home." — Graham Sallow, club secretary
The reaction
Marcus Okonjo chairs the Six Trophies Or Bust Supporters Collective. He had travelled from Tottenham Hale on two buses and a moral principle. "We have waited a long time for silverware," he said. "We would accept a small wooden shield. We would accept a biscuit, if it came with a certificate."
A place in the draw was held open for Manchester City. Nobody from the club arrived. The bowls committee noted the absence in its minutes and moved on to the raffle.
Voss insisted the day was about principle rather than prizes. "Sporting justice means a level green," she said. "This green is level. We checked. A man came with a spirit level."
Asked whether City's reported verdict still stung, Okonjo shrugged. "That's lawyers," he said. "This is rink three."
The final end
Spurs trailed by two shots going into the last end. What followed will be discussed at Edmonton Chase for as long as there is an Edmonton Chase.
Their lead found the jack. Their second guarded it. Their third drew in behind. For one shining minute, Tottenham held all the shots that mattered. Then the Veterans' skip, 81 years old and wearing a cardigan, sent a firing wood down the rink at full pace. It scattered everything. The jack rolled into the ditch with Tottenham's hopes pressed against it.
The Veterans won by one. There was no hearing, no independent commission and no years-long process. There was a handshake and a scorecard signed in biro.
Voss said Tottenham would appeal. Sallow said the appeals committee is him, and he had already put his coat on.
By the time the players reached the clubhouse, someone had fixed the tea urn. It was widely agreed to be the one unambiguous winner of the evening.
Sporting justice, it turns out, is available in north London. It is simply not guaranteed to be on your side.
