Arsenal and Chelsea's meeting at the Emirates will get a short recap once the Finsbury Park cage derby between two rival heating firms reaches the break.
The Premier League has named a Monday five-a-side between two rival north London heating firms as its Match of the Week. Arsenal vs Chelsea, played at the Emirates, gets a nine-second recap at half time of the cage game. League officials say the football was fine.
The astroturf cage beside the railway line in Finsbury Park has a padlock on the gate, a burst-pipe warning sign on the fence, and a kickoff time of 7.30pm on Monday. That is the fixture the Premier League has now marked as its Match of the Week.
Arsenal against Chelsea, which happened at the Emirates in front of a full house, will be covered in a nine-second recap at half time of the cage game. A league statement said the football was fine. It said nothing else about it.
The real war is between Rafferty Heating and Sons and Bellwether Boilers, two north London firms who have met nine times in the Holloway Trades League without a draw. Their last meeting ended in a shin injury, a dropped spanner and a formal complaint about a van parked across the goal.
Al Jazeera reported that Arsenal stamped their authority and that Chelsea are contenders too. Nice. Meanwhile Bellwether's keeper plays in steel-toe boots and has not conceded from open play since Easter. That is iron. That is what we are here for.
Premier League scheduling director Declan Roughsedge confirmed the decision by phone, apparently from inside a van.
"Arsenal won a football match. Good for them. Down here a man called Dessie is marking a striker who once fitted his mother's combi boiler. You tell me which one has stakes," Roughsedge said.
Rafferty Heating go into Monday without their captain, who is on a job in Enfield until at least six. Manager and senior engineer Lorna Ashcombe called the absence "a war wound" and said the squad would "go to the well" without him. She then went to an actual well, which the firm is clearing on a Tuesday.
The cage does not care about your title race
Chelsea's bravery and intent, praised across the weekend, drew a shrug at the cage. Bellwether midfielder and pipe fitter Grant Oduya-Fell said intent is easy on grass. "Try showing intent on wet astro with a bloke's toolbox for a post," he said. "That is a cauldron. That is a coliseum with a bin in it."
The league has arranged a nine-camera setup for the cage, including one mounted on the railway fence and one inside a traffic cone. Arsenal and Chelsea's game was filmed by whoever normally does that, and the footage is understood to exist.
Roughsedge said the recap would run as soon as the referee, a retired lollipop man named Bill, blows for half time. "If the plumbers are still arguing about a throw-in, the Arsenal clip waits," he said. "That is the hierarchy. That is the game."
Kickoff in Finsbury Park remains 7.30pm Monday, weather and Enfield permitting. Arsenal play again at the weekend, probably.
