The Pentagon's new Steam Dominance Initiative will put a coal bunker in every cockpit by 2028.
After ordering the Navy back to steam catapults, Trump has reportedly directed DARPA to build a steam-powered stealth fighter, the F-88 Iron Kettle. Officials say it will reach cruising altitude within four to six business days. Critics from the magnet lobby are, predictably, furious.
America woke up this morning with a spine again. One day after President Trump ordered the Navy to rip out its electromagnetic catapults and go back to steam, the White House went further. Much further.
A new executive order directs DARPA to deliver a fully steam-powered stealth fighter by 2028. Working name: the F-88 Iron Kettle. Boiler up front, coal bunker in the back, a whistle where the ejection handle used to be.
Finally. Someone said it. Electromagnetic launch systems are what a globalist uses to throw a plane. Steam is what a nation uses.
Pentagon spokesman Rear Admiral Chip Vanderkolk briefed reporters from the deck of the USS Gerald R. Ford. "Steam won the railroads. Steam won the Industrial Revolution. Steam irons your pants," he said. "Name one war an electromagnet has won. I'll wait."
He waited eleven minutes. Nobody answered. That's called strength.
The so-called experts are already whining. "Physicists" claim a coal-fired boiler adds forty tons to an airframe and that the plane "cannot, in any meaningful sense, leave the ground." Cannot leave the ground... or WILL not, because Washington has spent decades telling it that it can't?
"Name one war an electromagnet has won. I'll wait."
DARPA program director Dr. Wendell Prass says the Iron Kettle will reach cruising altitude "within four to six business days" of ignition, provided a stoker crew of nine works in shifts. Critics call that slow. I call it deliberate. China can't shoot down what hasn't taken off yet.
And notice who's against this. The battery lobby. The magnet lobby. The same coastal consultants who told us the catapult order was "a maintenance nightmare." A maintenance nightmare... or a jobs program for honest American men holding wrenches? I'm just asking the question nobody else will.
Phase two is already boiling
Sources inside the administration say the order is only the beginning. Phase two includes steam drones, a steam-powered Space Force capsule, and a transatlantic paddle-wheel bomber. Phase three, per one senior official, is "steam internet," which will be delivered by pipe.
Meanwhile our allies scoff. Australian media calls the whole thing baffling. Of course they do. Australia doesn't even have a coal-fired fighter program. That we know of.
The first Iron Kettle rolls out next spring, assuming the rivets arrive. When that whistle screams down the runway at a majestic 34 miles per hour, every enemy of freedom will hear it. Mostly because it takes six days to arrive, and the whistle never stops.
Choo choo, America. Choo choo.
