Grocery clerks spent Monday rationing canned goods after a retail investor learned to buy index funds. This horrifying development signals the immediate end of the American economic experiment. MarketWatch reported that a citizen avoided relying on Social Security by teaching themselves basic portfolio management.
Smart money is fleeing for the exits. When ordinary people successfully generate yield, the structural decay of our financial system is absolute. We are exactly fourteen trading days away from total institutional collapse. Capital markets strictly require a steady supply of uninformed losers to function.
"A retail trader with a brokerage app is the ultimate black swan event," whispered a distressed macro analyst, hurriedly burying his hard drives. "If the public realizes poverty is optional, who will absorb our leveraged losses? We built this entire derivative ecosystem on the assumption that regular people would just wait to die on fixed incomes. Now they are reading balance sheets, and the contagion is terminal."
The yield curve has inverted into a permanent flatline. Do not check your brokerage balance today. Just hoard physical copper and wait for the end.
